In the West (last summer) we were guided to meet with Huaskar (Huascar, Waskar), the Peruvian keeper of the Underworld. We were directed to give him a gift and then ask a question. He would give us an answer and a gift back.
Because it was a guided journey, or because it was my first journey with a teacher, I’m not sure which – but in any case this was the strongest journey experience I have had to date. It was so powerful actually, that I had a hard time ‘coming back’ from it. Not that what happened was stunning necessarily, but something did happen to me there – and it had a physical effect – then emotional and then mental. Actually it’s only now in retrospect that I realize – this journey moved me. I mean it moved something in me and disintegrated a block that I had. Namely all of the fear, trepidation, guilt, indecision and uncertainty I had about doing this work – this shamanic work. None of it has been there since. Wow. I have called in directions, started my own fires and been in the room with other energies since then – and normally all of this would make me quake in my boots. I haven’t had that. For the most part it’s gone.
We were guided to the Underworld through a meadow and down through the roots of a massive tree. I realized that usually when I journey I see myself in the third person – this time I decided to ‘be’ me in the journey and see through my own eyes. I think this had a huge effect as to really ‘being’ there.
The Underworld was a twilight or dusky place, with that blueish light, and I was in a boat going down this huge river. It was silent. I noticed this. I felt calm, but very aware.
Coming onto the river bank Huaskar was there to meet me – he was a little Mexican looking man – brown, wrinkled skin – but not old – just well-worn – crooked teeth, bushy black eyebrows, black hair – he came right up to me and smiled and looked at me with as sort of pleased and expectant look – like, ‘hey! how can I help you – what do you need?’ He was very welcoming, almost like being greeted at a restaurant – welcoming and helpful. And kind eyes – very kind – almost amused. And wide – not like a wise old master, rather innocent and wide-eyed. Eager to please almost. He wore a Mexican hat – not a sombrero – more like a felt hat – black and round with a flat top. He wore a Mexican style poncho too. White with red patterns. He was quite a bit shorter than me. (Note here: we were told that Huaskar would appear the way he would choose to appear and it could be different for everyone. One of my group mates had him appear as a big pig!)
I hadn’t come with a question in mind – or a gift in mind. I wanted to see what would happen (at this point I still thought I was making it all up anyways). But – when he approached me a glowing white eagle feather appeared in my hand – it had leather thongs ties around the base and hanging down off of it, with turquoise beads attached. I gave this to Huaskar. I asked him – and it all flowed out of me in a rush: ‘I feel like I shouldn’t be here. Am I allowed to be here? Is it ok for me to study this stuff – I mean I’m white right? My people have done so much damage in the world, to the world, to indigenous cultures. I don’t want to disrespect anyone. I have so much white guilt. Do I have a right to be here?’
He smiled at me and swept his arm up behind him, do direct me to something in the sky. I looked up and there was a cliff face behind us – on top of it was a big Egyptian style pyramid – not South American, Egyptian; gold and sandy with smooth sides. I looked back at Huaskar for a second and then back up to the mountain and now the pyramid was pure white light and glowing – sort of pulsing from within – and it was hovering up in the sky above us, like a huge spaceship!
At this point we were called back to the river and the journey was ending. I realized I had something in my hands. I was holding cards – tarot cards. I thanked Huaskar and came back up through the layers of earth and rock and soil and tree root, to the surface.
When I came to and opened my eyes I felt very moved. I also was totally out of it for quite a while. I wanted to go to bed and sleep for a long time. I had trouble feeling present. I felt altered. In the closing group I couldn’t say goodbye to anyone. I was shaking like a leaf and words welled up in my throat. I was overcome.
So – what did it all mean? I took it to mean this: I have right to be studying the mysteries, because I am from the mysteries. Maybe these were my ancestors. Maybe I’m a descendant, but more importantly and in fact, we all are. This is our birthright as human beings. It matters not what culture we are from here in this incarnation, because we are multi-life beings and we reincarnate – we have all lived all of these lives. We have all lived poor, rich, black, white, privileged, oppresses, suppressed, good, evil. It’s why we come here – to the school that is Earth.
I also got that the Egyptians (or the pyramid builders) are ancient and perhaps the progenitors of all mystery schools – whomever they were – and further to that, they were not from here – rather ‘up there’.
The tarot cards told me instantly that Huaskar wanted me to use them. These were to be my tool. I have an old Rider Waite deck that was my moms back in the 70s. Tarot was never really my thing but since this journey I’ve been pulling cards again. Also when I got home, it occurred to me that he wanted me to pull a card right away – and this would give me a clue to my next step. And of course, I pulled 3 of Swords. Not a shocker to me at the time because it had come up a bunch of times in my work with my teacher.
3 of swords is about pain, basically. Yes it can be a warning card – but it also tells us to pay attention to our current pain. And to challenge our core beliefs that grew out of that pain. Stare that shit down! It says we are holding ourselves back by holding on to past hurts, traumas and pain.
In other words – LET IT GO man. Let it go. Accept your defeats, your sadness. Yes that sucked. Yes we are all paying attention. And now you move on.
Not. one. minute. before.
Looking back now, three season later, I can see how much this work has changed me.