I feel no presence in my life, of spirit. I see nothing. But I hear things. Things that I feel in my heart at that moment, I am supposed to hear. Someone is trying to reach me.
Sometimes I hear a voice in my head that stands out from the usual chatter – but this is not common – happened maybe a handful of times in my life. Sometimes I actually hear someone speaking my name and I look around – no one there. Once when my house was haunted, the whole house had a low throbbing resonant hum – a grating sound that made me feel like I was the kind of crazy you get in a Stanley Kubric movie. That time actually, the house glowed as well – orange and spiky corners.
I hear through synchronistic events mostly. Lately there has been a lot of that. One thing I keep coming across is singing. And different ways of using the magic and power of the voice to heal, pray or create ceremony. I’ve talked about this before in this blog.
I love this idea of traveling or journeying to other worlds using singing, rather than drumming. Don’t get me wrong – drumming is great! Something about singing though – because our voices are unique – leads me to believe that the path we would carve would be unique as well. And the spirits would know us by the sound of our voices. Also it’s cool to know that you could accomplish journeying anywhere without any accoutrements or tools other than your voice.
Last direction my teacher called on me to call in the directions – I pretty much froze – then stumbled through a really lame opening ceremony. At the time I wanted to sing in the directions – but had no idea how I might do that, or if that would ‘be ok’. Man, my doubts and uncertainty really piss me off sometimes.
I’ve been feeling like that – that the only thing that holds us back is our own fear and constricted vision of ourselves; “I am the kind of person who does _____” or “I am not that kind of person” statements. Who says? You were a blank slate at birth – anything could happen. We are actually mutable.
And yet, I can know this logically and in my heart, but the big shebang realization I’ve come to lately is that I have no idea where to go from there. I actually don’t know how to change. How do I let it all go? How do I start over? How do I get the fuck out of this house I’ve built around me? Seriously, it’s like before I was inside a fortress and kind of got off on it. Like, look how strong and elaborate my walls are man – I built them myself – I am tough shit. Now it’s like I am peering out through bars on the windows – seeing that I am imprisoned and not feeling really comfortable with it. But I have no idea how to get out. I’m in a damn catacomb.
They say knowing is half the journey… it certainly doesn’t feel that way to me right now.
So I’ve been led to seek more knowledge, as I have always done. Read more books, meet more people, seek out teachers.
Here’s what I have heard in answer to my questions. These things have come to me more than once from different sources:
- Seek out a spiritual circle for support
- Cultivate a daily spiritual practice – mainly meditate and breath work
- Do yoga
- Nothing changes if you don’t do the work – reading books gets you almost no-where
- Sing. Sing for the world and to save your life.
- Practice journeying
- Observe the equinoxes and solstices
- Learn to hear nature – rocks, plants, animals
- Go to Peru
- And specifically, refine and define your purpose and intention in this life
- I was told to do a for-real vision quest to help with this.
And it’s funny you know being online – I feel like my Facebook feed talks to me sometimes when I get repeating themes. Well this week it’s been LET GO, just like that, in big letters.