How to Forgive the Dark Side

Last night I had a really vivid dream that moved from one story to the next story. When I woke up I was like, wow! a lot going on there. I felt the tug to meditate immediately. What followed was the densest meditation session I have ever had. The energy in my mind was like a thousand tiny creeks bubbling, like a friend who’s bursting with something to tell and can’t talk fast enough, like fireflies zipping about in the night… you get it right?

Meditation has been a big part of my life in the past four months. For the first couple of months not much happened. I would basically sit and think for half an hour. But recently, I’m continually having insights. Sometimes the info feels like it’s a cohesion of many deeper thoughts I have, or from my higher-self. Sometimes the info feels like it’s from an outside source.

I have often seen myself suspended up over a river of torrential thoughts, sometimes on a balcony, sometimes just levitating. I can hear my thoughts as voices arguing, laughing, crying, memories in action, insecurities, hopes – and then suddenly a Voice will overpower with a simple statement. Once it said,

How can you hear anything in all of this noise?”

This morning I went into mediating not knowing what I was questioning or needing answers to. The dream I had was vivid and I wanted to remember all of it.

Tip: If you want to remember your dream from last night, meditate as soon as you wake up. It will come back to you. Then write it down as soon as you finish your session. 

It was juicy and filled with life. There were situations and people there that had hurt me badly in the past, and yet all was forgiven. There was no pain anymore.

Recently I’ve been wondering about places of ‘deadness’. These places that I bump up against in my consciousness that remind me rather of a sudden drop-off in a lake or a dead zone out in the ocean. Emotionally everything just goes cold or just, blank. This dream told me that ‘the unforgiven’ create this deadness.

So, as soon as I started to meditate I was immediately thrust into a thought train about forgiveness. The following Q and A account is from my journal:

Q: What is forgiveness?

A: The physical body is hooked to wounds. (I see the body with hooks all over it.) All of our wounds are in the past. Each traumatic event, heartbreak, failure, sorrow is a hook into the body. The site of the hook is where imbalance and disease begin.

The physical body lives in linear time – we age with the passage of the years – but it is also non-linear, because these hooks and tethers travel from the past, or can lead us back to the past. We are time travellers and our bodies are the vessel. The person that we are at the time each hook was put in, when each trauma happened, still exists. All of those Sky’s are still there, accessed by memory. If we thought hard enough, meditated long enough, we could travel back to any spot in our life not normally recalled by memory. Hear things. Smell smells. See details.

Our wounds, hooks and tethers create disease and imbalance. They keep us sleeping, dreaming, in ‘the Maya’. They interfere with the present and with mindfulness. They hook us to the past.

The light body yearns to be free.

Q: So how are we set free?

A: Time does not heal all wounds. It just buries them. The only thing that will heal wounds is diligent participation in the practice of forgiveness – of self and all others. 

Note ‘practice’ is a verb.

So I spend some time going over all of the people I need to forgive in my life. I actively send out heartfelt forgiveness and love. Some are easy-peasey:

“oh you? (eye roll) I am so not mad at you anymore!”


“oh you!? I just can’t with you”,

well they’re gonna take a little more practice. I will work at it.

But then my mind moves outward as I search for more people to forgive and I end up high above the earth in a macro view – not just that but outside of myself, the ‘me’ me – seeing myself as a part of a much bigger picture. I see Cecil the Lion. I see children in wars. I see predators who prey on children. I see the human slave trade. I see my beloved animals, all of them; torture, scientific experiments, factory farming. So much suffering and pain.

Q: How do I forgive evil? I mean if I truly have to forgive everything, to unhook from all of these wounds, how does one forgive true evil?

A: Please note evil is real. There is true evil in the world.

There has always been evil. Before we had human depravity and psychopathy there were real monsters. If you follow ancient origins, myth and legend at all you’ll have heard of these. An ancient race of giants with multiple rows of teeth who fed on humans. Fire breathing dragons. Supernatural beings who stole children. The witch in the wood. The sirens who sung men to their death at sea. At some point these were all real dangers, real monsters

The Divine spark, Creation, the Gods, God, the Creator, the Source – whatever you want to call it, it is balance. Duality. We reflect that. The depths of our darkest depravity and evil are equal to the heights of our purest good. One cannot exist without the other. The universe seeks balance. Nature seeks balance. There is always two opposing sides. Yin and yang. Male and female. Night and Day. We live snuggly inside. If we want pure, ‘angelic’ good in the world, the laws of nature demand that we must have equal bad.

Evil is the necessary evil. It provides contrast. If we had no darkness we would never understand that we were in the light. Evil provides a mirror with which we can see ourselves for the purpose of correcting – we see evil and it shocks us, it solidifies our belief in good, it brings us together and propels us into action. It tempers our capacity for good, hones our abilities, clarifies our intentions, our hopes and dreams.

Q: So the presupposition is that Creation or nature moves towards extremes of good and evil, not homeostasis, is this correct?

A: No, Creation moves towards the Greater Good, but must have evil to balance, therefor homeostasis is the result, rather than the goal.

Q: How do I forgive (anyone)? How does forgiveness work?

A: You have to accept them. You have to say, “It’s ok. What you did is ok. I accept it. What you are doing is ok. I accept it.” You can then move on. Acceptance and forgiveness doesn’t mean you have live with these people or these actions.

Q: How do I accept?

A: You have to see the bigger picture. You have to come away and out from the tip of your nose and see that that’s not all about you. Each person has their own story, their own pain and suffering, their own hooks and tethers that led them to the place where they wronged you. You are only one small part of their story. They are also victims. They are also on the other side of the equation.

Q: Why do animals suffer? Why do people suffer? Why do horrible things happen to children?

A: Because they are defenceless they bring out the hero in all of us. When horrible things happen it prompts change. We collectively solidify our desires for and our move towards Greater Good.

Q: If reincarnation is the way of things then why do we choose to come here to suffer? Why do animals come here to be tortured? Children?

A: They are sacrificing themselves for the Greater Good. The victims will always be mourned and remembered. They are like Jesus and Aslan, Cecil. They sacrifice. They provide a stage upon which atrocities can be performed. The atrocities change us. Collectively we are horrified and we move towards Greater Good. This is the part they have chosen to play. This is part of our learning.

Q: How do I forgive the atrocities?

A: You have to accept them. You have to say, “I accept that these happen as an integral part of nature.” You accept it with love because it is a part of All That Is. It’s a part of all of us. It’s our collective shadow. We must accept it with love, let it come into the light. Let it show us ourselves. The shadow exists in all of us – we all exist in duality. The shadow must be owned, integrated and accepted or it will wreak havoc in the background.

Then, here in the physical world, you must fight. You say as you would to a child acting badly, “I love you, I accept you, but this is not ok”. You must take your stand and fight it with all of your might.

So – I started out with forgiveness and the root of disease (those who read my blogs will know this is something that getting to the root of my disease is something I’ve been working on) and ended up with the universe being more like Star Wars than I ever thought it was. And with a very strong message to fight the dark side. All in a day’s work I guess.

Anything come up for you reading this? Anyone have similar experiences? I’d love to hear it in the comments below.

‘Til later – use the Force my friends, use the Force.

featured image by Ludie Cochrane

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SpiritMAMA is the blogspace of Sky Bray, wellness blogger, student of yoga, shamanism, proud Mama.

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